Rumblings of a marketing man on tour…

Bank number one cut me off. Their fault. Computer said no.

Bank number two, every time I fart my card is blocked. Eight calls today, five for debit, three for credit. Eventually, I manage to get cash to eat and book my bargain of the day with Tiger airways…

A 36GBP flight to Jakarta!

Bring it on (minus the terrorism), I am having it XXL in crazy town this weekend! It did take me 90 mins to book this evening though thanks to the general incompetence and ineptitude of (and I use this term in the loosest sense) ‘customer services’.

That term used to describe the idiots that work there is about as ill-fitting as lycra on a fat sweaty bird in Faces; an Essex institution / nightclub (Delete as applicable) for all you non-Londoner’s.

temple 483...

Penang snippets (other than this) will have to wait till tomorrow when I regain the right mindset to scribe. For now, Nationwide and Lloyds TSB, a plague on both your houses…

Iain hates banks. And just remembered the credit crunch could be that plague. Still, all evil…

P.S. I ask thee, would you accept ‘therapy’ from this man? Of any kind!? This little ad caught my eye whilst pounding the mean streets of Penang…

Now if I needed therapy, not sure I'd start here. Whichever type of 'therapy' is on offer...

So many to choose from. Weather, curry, people. I can go on and on, but I won’t, I’m shattered. This is a quicky pre-bed, promise to stick up a few things from my time in Penang the camera caught tomorrow after work.

For now, two quick things. Firstly….

Stunning, rickety little houses out at sea...

Clan jetty. Some amazing, tiny little wooden houses on stilts, that run some 100 feet out into the water. Am not so good with water, and they felt a little rickety.

Nearly shat myself when some cocky fucker sped past me on his bike to the end of it and parked up outside his house!

The locals just couldn’t fathom my interest. 

But they were beautiful. Big and cool inside, and they went back quite far. Only a matter of time before some enterprising sort starts renting it out to rich Western holiday makers looking for a ‘unique’ experience…

Oh, and in case you think I am mental, this was the view from the house at the end.

This photo does not do the view justice. So go to Penang and see it for yourself!

The real highlight, well, this is an odd one. I am a total pussy (nothing to do with preference), when it comes to flying.

I’ve gotten much better over the years, but the inbuilt fraidy cat in me still likes to sit on the aisle. Well, this time, I didn’t ask, check in man stuck me at a window, and the plane was pretty full. (Jet star, budget airline, very good. Outfits look a bit star trekky, and all of the steward/esses were do-able).

So, I spot an aisle seat a few mins before we take off, and I am going to make a bolt for it, but thought no. Get over it, sit it out and deal with it.

So we pelt down the runway, and I’m just behind the wing doing the ‘I’m sure the engine isn’t meant to wobble this much’ style of thinking, and I start meditating to chill out.

We go up, I relax and I can’t peel my face from the window. Blue sky, green to blue sea, Penang island in it’s glory. 90% of it covered in lush green, with tiny little built up enclaves.

Stunning tiny islands off it, one size-able which was lush. Nothing on it but trees, a beach and a massive Branson-esque villa. We sail onwards, and for a moment, I almost think the shitty BA ad that had clouds made up of dolphins had a point.

Realising I’ve gone too far in the moment and the ad really is still a big pile of (sorry BBH), I chuckle and look down. And there it was.

A huge rainbow stretching out beneath me, literally as far as I could see.

I’ve never seen one from above before, but I saw it arch across a huge slice of stunning blue ocean. If I were a religious man (instead of hindu-ish), I’d have been thanking god for being alive at that moment. As it was, I thanked him when we landed after some more brutal turbulence…

That’s it for tonight, am pooped, and off to bed before an early start tomorrow. Have some old HTW special guests coming in to work with me.

The old HTW gang on tour in Singapore? How decadent…

Iain is home in Singapore, and will regale more of his personal Penang pleasures tomorrow…

P.S. for anyone that is wondering about my toes, thanks to the mini-first aid kit I packed (and some advice from the good doctor), they are mending nicely!

The local death trap. Or taxi (that would have helped my feet)

So, I somehow manage to start the day with my brain unable to make my legs work and really hurt two toes by bending them back the wrong way flailing about the bedroom in the dark like a compete idiot.

Bumpy landing, near bowel evacuation at turbulence and hey presto, hello Penang.

Stomp about all day (tick box tourism list, temple, temple, mosque, old colonial building, museum, etc) all great fun. The gayest Chinese-Malay tour guide in all the world, but more on him later…

Remember Portugal in the 70′s? Loads of old cars, traffic, no pavements. Or unfinished pavements?

Well, smart arse here was precariously balanced taking a lovely arty shot of the open sewer / lack of pavement, and wham. I go arse over tit, hit the deck, and land on my (by now very sore after 6 hrs of being walked on) pained toe from this mornings incident.

Nobody saw. Dignity almost intact…

Wearing some trainers that are comfy, but a bit past it (and cursing / blaming them, snot my fault obviously), I go into a shop to try on some new ones.

See some nice sandals.

Socks off, and there’s my big purple headed warrior screaming up at me, LOOK WHAT YOU DID FU@KING DID TO ME YOU CLUMSY IDIOT!

Swollen lots.

Cut inbetween both toes. And now I know its there, pain increasing tenfold.
Smarting a little, I hobble to my 5 star hotel to check in looking a little shabby (up since 5am, walked in heat all day, fallen lots, sweaty etc), and a stray pen decides to burst in my pocket as I get to the desk…

I obviously haven’t noticed, before touching everything in sight, the desk, my white top, my grey trousers which are filthy from the fall. Oh, and rather handily, my face. Was like Iain does an audition for the minstrels at the Shangri La.

Quite a first day in Malaysia. God knows what tonight will bring! But I’m hoping for something hot, strong, and spicy with real kick.

Iain is off for a local (curry obviously)

Bus Captains. Wonder what dustmen are called, Trash Kings?

Ever been on a plane coming in to land and everyone goes ‘OOOOOOOOOH’ when it gets real bumpy.

Ya, me too. Twice. What fun…

Still, am here. Rockin map from tourism lady, with some real gems on what to skip and what I can’t miss. Best tip, bus for 2.70 rin, as opposed to a taxi for 42 rin. That’s 50p as opposed to 8 quid.

Tight? Maybe a little. But why not!? Besides, it’s air conditioned. The driver is a captain, and it’s eco-friendly.

Iain is in Penang, on the way to some serious sightseeing….

Am up and off to Penang, but have already had a (less than enjoyable) trip.

Lots of coffee yesterday, plus excitement = hard to sleep. Alarm wakes me, stumble out of bed, legs not working, trip, bend two toes over backwards.

Cue much cursing and swearing at silly am….

Still, at airport, all on time so far. Let’s hope the next part of my trip leads to more enjoyment…

Iain is tired, grumpy, and just about still excited.

Singapore, vegan restaurant. More on that later…

I’m packing for Penang in Malaysia, not taking the netbook, just me, some temples, some culture, some mental hectic backstreets, some locals, some beaches and some hawker food for the weekend. Fly out at 7am tomorrow, and fly back late Sunday night.

I just wanted to leave you with this thought for the week I saw in my local coffee shop on the way to work…

Take note, wise words...

Iain can’t wait to go to Malaysia tomorrow. Penang (with your amazing fare), here I come…